T H I S I S N O T T H E D E A T H P O E M Y O U A S K E D F O R
i am not allowed to say _______ in my poems anymore.
i am not allowed to use blood, or fuck, or god
in my poems anymore.
i am not allowed to tell you about _________ ,
or how many times ive knelt down to pray for his death.
i was told __________ was taking up too much space in my head
that the poems of him were getting weaker, more predictable—
not allowed to tell you the questions i would ask
when ________ came back
i am not allowed to mention ________ abuse, or depression
not allowed to imagine my __________’s funeral
or consider the lilies i would crown each pew with
she has to be healthy, smiling
more pretending for the poems—
i am not allowed to tell you about bell
or my family
or how many times
ive had to change her name
in these poems
also, the little girl can no longer be ________
in my poems.
she must be __________.
always be ___________.
© Denise Benavides 2016